Feeeeeeelings

From email sent on Monday, August 26, 2014

Dear Everyone,

We met lots of new people this week and it was glorious. We had exchanges on Monday - and Sister Waters made miracle after miracle happen at OSU while I was gone. I knew she was a powerhouse - I just have to keep up with her. :) One of the miracles was that Zach came to FHE! They played Gladiator Dodgeball and he had a grand time. Plus lots of new peeps. 

Wednesday was the highlight of this week, definitely. We had the chance to go to the temple and do a session there, and it was incredible. 

I'd been thinking a little bit about school and plans for after the mish this week, and I was stressed out about it and praying a lot about it, and decided I would take it to the temple to find an answer. As I was sitting there in the quiet peace of the celestial room, I had a wrestling with the Spirit. I was asking where I should go to school, and what kinds of things I should focus on, and when, etc etc. As I was asking, I looked around at the other missionaries in my zone. 

"You need to help your sisters," came the impression.

Perfect, I thought. I already know I want to do that. But where can I do that? BYU? SUU? OSU?!

And I wasn't getting any answers. So I paused and rethought things for a minute. Am I asking the wrong questions? I asked.

"No, now. You need to help your sisters now. Really, right now. Help them. And learn from your companion."

How? How do I help these sisters in my district? 

"Give them lots of hugs, and lots of love, and study the scriptures. Expound on them to your sisters."

I went in looking for answers, but I was reminded that my focus is here, now, with these people, and this calling. It was humbling. I'm glad I learned that. I think I get caught up so often in the trap of, "when THIS happens, THEN I will be happy." I forget that while planning for the future is very important, I can plan, and then leave it, while I do what is asked of me now. AND LOVE IT. Because this life is awesome. :)

At Boone Pickers Stadium

That night we went to an event called "Lights on Stillwater" at the stadium, where there were vendors from all over Stillwater giving away free stuff and bands and food trucks etc. So we took full advantage of it. We came prepared with cards and BoMs and pamphlets, the whole works, and I ended up following Sister Morrell around like a lost puppy while she handed out cards like a crazy person. I had my bag full of 10 copies of the Book of Mormon... and that's all I had.Why didn't I bring cards?! I thought. Cards are so much easier! You can basically throw them at people and run! So after following her around for awhile and trying to muster up the courage to do a BoM contact, I did it. There was a guy handing out mini copies of the new testament, so I traded. And then I was sure I was good. One Book of Mormon, that's awesome! But I was addicted. Maybe one more, I thought. And then by the end of the hour I reached into my bag for another, and they were all gone! 

Maybe that doesn't sound like a lot, but to me it was quite the miracle. I've been on an emboldened rush ever since. And we met several potentials and a few less active members, too! I know the courage was from Heavenly Father. He truly gives us the strength to do terrifying things. 

Lights on Stillwater, OK

Speaking of terrifying things, we went to LIFE CHURCH yesterday morning with a potential (who didn't end up even showing up). It was a party! We missed the band, unfortunately, but the broadcast of the sermon was so funny and uplifting,  and everyone wore jeans, and there was free coffee, and free kids services where the kids played on a rock climbing wall and listened to fun loud music and played games and everyone got a wii to themselves, and if you want to be saved you just check a box in your program that says "I accept Jesus Christ as my personal Savior" and turn it in and you can think about getting baptized, and it was so nice and fun and

EASY.

It was so easy. 

"Think not that I am come to send peace on Earth," Christ says, "I came not to send peace, but a sword." And Elder Holland told us in general conference this spring that "if people want any gods at all, they want them to be gods who do not demand much, comfortable gods, smooth gods who not only don’t rock the boat but don’t even row it, gods who pat us on the head, make us giggle, then tell us to run along and pick marigolds. 

Talk about man creating God in his own image! Sometimes—and this seems the greatest irony of all—these folks invoke the name of Jesus as one who was this kind of “comfortable” God. Really?"

This is not easy, and it's not meant to be. This life is about learning and progressing. 

When I went into Sacrament meeting after this experience, I basked in the beautiful peace of the organ, and the sacred silence of the sacrament. I felt grateful for the primary and youth programs, that I know helped me in the beginnings of my testimony. And especially for the Spirit. 

Veronica came to church yesterday, probably a lot because I mentioned I was playing the harp in sacrament meeting. But the talks were just for her, I felt; about prayer and faith, and scriptures. The basics, the ones she needs. It was wonderful. I can't tell you how many times I've sat in church when there was supposed to have been an investigator there, and the lessons would have been perfect for them.  But she was there! And I was so grateful. :)

I love you all dearly. Sorry my emails are more about my feelings than what actually happens. Haha. I just have a lot of those. Feelings.

Love, Sister Clark