March 10, 2014 (Original Date)
Annnndd I'm just a basket case
BUT IT'S FINE. It's totally fine. :)
Okay, here's the story. Once upon a time, transfers came and went and all of the sudden I was super irritable and moody and grouchy and awful... for a month. WHAT. I don't even know. So it's really just gotten worse and worse over time, and I didn't know what to do about it because I just could not find the source of all my saddness and oscar-ness and honestly hopelessness.
Finally, on Wednesday, I had come back from Sarah's beautiful home into our messy apartment, and I just felt so much jealousy and self-pity. BUT WHY? It was just a little thing, but it was the last straw for me, really. And then I realized that this whole deal is me slipping into a lack of progression. I saw that when I saw Megan and Johnny and Sarah and Brad that night - I saw all they were doing and I just wanted to be home, with my family, working on a career, getting married, etc etc, and I realized that the reason I wanted what they had was because they were progressing, and I was not.
And how silly is that! I have the opportunity at this VERY MOMENT in my life to progress 10x faster than I could normally, and I'm so distracted that I pity myself for not having nice things? And just after I'd taught the plan of Salvation! True joy doesn't come in wealth or beauty or possessions or status. It comes in progression, eternal progression, the very reason I am on this earth. I'm here to become who I was foreordained to become. I am a daughter of God, and I am destined to become such. THAT is what's important.
I felt like I was stuck in some big ole hole, filled with misery, pride, jealousy, depression, anxiety, selfishness, etc. But the only one keeping me in there was me. As Dad has told me time and time again, "When you find yourself in a hole, QUIT DIGGING."
And then I remembered something from my notes of some meeting that kept coming to my remembrance, over and over. It was this:
"I CAN DO ONE THING.
I CAN BE OBEDIENT."
So I pried myself out of bed, ON TIME, cleaned up my messy apartment, and did what I knew I should. It doesn't mean I'm perfect now, far from it, but it means I'm trying my best, and I'm progressing. I'm headed in the right direction, and God doesn't expect immediate perfection. He expects immediate progression.
And then, OH AND THEN, we were able to go to the temple.
It was precisely what I needed.
I learned so much in my 4th time, and just soaked in the Spirit like a sponge. Everything is so simple and beautiful there, and I always feel a sense of my divine nature when I see myself in Mom's temple dress.
ON TOP of my incredible experience at the temple, we had exchanges this week. Sister Mitchell came to Quail Creek with me for a day, and I just poured my heart out to her, and she's so smart and inspired and helped me set goals and be happy and everything and I'm just so grateful for her! She was able to help me logically pull things apart and help me pinpoint sources of my emotional basket case-ness that I'd been trying to all transfer.
Also, I've been able to play the harp a lot for different people the last few days. I played for Sister McKay, then the Claytons, Larsens, and Carlsons, and Boggs. I've LOVED it. I realized I need to use it more, and so I have. I was also given the opportunity to play in primary! I just... I love going into these families' homes. The Spirit is just so present there, especially when they all gather together! The Carlsons and their 4 young kids all piled on the small couch together and listened, and the Larsens sat all together on the floor with kids in their laps and one in between. I just love seeing in action how much the gospel blesses these families, and knowing it will bless EVERY family who takes part.
Also, after correlation at the Boyers yesterday, Sister Boyer sang "One Voice" from EFY 2004 and I LOVE THAT SONG, and she sang so beautifully. Also we sang Armies of Helaman all together with the ward missionaries and it was super happy! Elder Powley is so good at piano - Maybe one day I'll be too, haha!
Sorry this is so scattered, and all about my feelings and such, but I've grown a lot this week, and I feel so good.
SOME KEY POINTS:
-Megan and Johnny wanna get married! So she'll prolly get married in april and then get baptized, and Johnny wants to baptize her and I'M JUST SO HAPPY. THESE PEOPLE ARE MY FAVORITE EVER. He should probably propose pretty soon though. ;)
-We had an incredible lesson with Kyle this week - and we didn't even do anything. We brought Sarah with us and she just ministered and taught and testified like a baller. It was amazing.
-We had dinner with the Boggs this week, and I just about peed my pants laughing. Also, Brother Boggs told us his conversion story (he got baptized just a few months ago) and it was incredible. He went through a lot to get his answer.
-At district meeting we all came wearing everything purple we had. I won. (also I totally looked like the lady from that Wee Sing in Sillyville movie, the purple lady, you know? anyone?) It was way legit. I love my district.
-SisLeav and I had a weeping sesh and it was awesome. It's been so long! I loved it haha :)
I THINK THAT'S IT. I love your guts. The church is true. It's THE true church, not A true church. And I'm so glad I'm a part of it.
NOW GO TELL ERRYBODAY ABOUT IT.
Love, Sister Clark