March 10, 2014 (Original Date)
Annnndd I'm just a basket case
BUT IT'S FINE. It's totally fine. :)
Okay,
here's the story. Once upon a time, transfers came and went and all of
the sudden I was super irritable and moody and grouchy and awful... for a
month. WHAT. I don't even know. So it's really just gotten worse and
worse over time, and I didn't know what to do about it because I just
could not find the source of all my saddness and oscar-ness and honestly
hopelessness.
Finally,
on Wednesday, I had come back from Sarah's beautiful home into our
messy apartment, and I just felt so much jealousy and self-pity. BUT
WHY? It was just a little thing, but it was the last straw for me,
really. And then I realized that this whole deal is me slipping into a
lack of progression. I saw that when I saw Megan and Johnny and Sarah
and Brad that night - I saw all they were doing and I just wanted to be
home, with my family, working on a career, getting married, etc etc, and
I realized that the reason I wanted what they had was because they were progressing, and I was not.
And how silly is
that! I have the opportunity at this VERY MOMENT in my life to progress
10x faster than I could normally, and I'm so distracted that I pity
myself for not having nice things? And just after I'd taught the plan of
Salvation! True joy doesn't come in wealth or beauty or possessions or
status. It comes in progression, eternal progression, the very reason I am on this earth.
I'm here to become who I was foreordained to become. I am a daughter of
God, and I am destined to become such. THAT is what's important.
I felt like I was stuck in some big ole hole, filled
with misery, pride, jealousy, depression, anxiety, selfishness, etc. But
the only one keeping me in there was me. As Dad has told me time and
time again, "When you find yourself in a hole, QUIT DIGGING."
And then I remembered something from my notes of some meeting that kept coming to my remembrance, over and over. It was this:
"I CAN DO ONE THING.
I CAN BE OBEDIENT."
So I pried myself
out of bed, ON TIME, cleaned up my messy apartment, and did what I knew
I should. It doesn't mean I'm perfect now, far from it, but it means
I'm trying my best, and I'm progressing. I'm headed in the right direction, and God doesn't expect immediate perfection. He expects immediate progression.
And then, OH AND THEN, we were able to go to the temple.
It was precisely what I needed.
I
learned so much in my 4th time, and just soaked in the Spirit like a
sponge. Everything is so simple and beautiful there, and I always feel a
sense of my divine nature when I see myself in Mom's temple dress.
ON TOP of my
incredible experience at the temple, we had exchanges this week. Sister
Mitchell came to Quail Creek with me for a day, and I just poured my
heart out to her, and she's so smart and inspired and helped me set
goals and be happy and everything and I'm just so grateful for her! She
was able to help me logically pull things apart and help me pinpoint
sources of my emotional basket case-ness that I'd been trying to all
transfer.
Also,
I've been able to play the harp a lot for different people the last few
days. I played for Sister McKay, then the Claytons, Larsens, and
Carlsons, and Boggs. I've LOVED it. I realized I need to use it more,
and so I have. I was also given the opportunity to play in primary! I
just... I love going into these families' homes. The Spirit is just so
present there, especially when they all gather together! The Carlsons
and their 4 young kids all piled on the small couch together and
listened, and the Larsens sat all together on the floor with kids in
their laps and one in between. I just love seeing in action how much the
gospel blesses these families, and knowing it will bless EVERY family
who takes part.
Also,
after correlation at the Boyers yesterday, Sister Boyer sang "One
Voice" from EFY 2004 and I LOVE THAT SONG, and she sang so beautifully.
Also we sang Armies of Helaman all together with the ward missionaries
and it was super happy! Elder Powley is so good at piano - Maybe one day
I'll be too, haha!
Sorry this is so scattered, and all about my feelings and such, but I've grown a lot this week, and I feel so good.
SOME KEY POINTS:
-Megan
and Johnny wanna get married! So she'll prolly get married in april and
then get baptized, and Johnny wants to baptize her and I'M JUST SO
HAPPY. THESE PEOPLE ARE MY FAVORITE EVER. He should probably propose
pretty soon though. ;)
-We had an incredible lesson
with Kyle this week - and we didn't even do anything. We brought Sarah
with us and she just ministered and taught and testified like a baller.
It was amazing.
-We had
dinner with the Boggs this week, and I just about peed my pants
laughing. Also, Brother Boggs told us his conversion story (he got
baptized just a few months ago) and it was incredible. He went through a
lot to get his answer.
-At district meeting we all
came wearing everything purple we had. I won. (also I totally looked
like the lady from that Wee Sing in Sillyville movie, the purple lady,
you know? anyone?) It was way legit. I love my district.
-SisLeav and I had a weeping sesh and it was awesome. It's been so long! I loved it haha :)
I
THINK THAT'S IT. I love your guts. The church is true. It's THE true
church, not A true church. And I'm so glad I'm a part of it.
NOW GO TELL ERRYBODAY ABOUT IT.
Love, Sister Clark
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